February 2010
35 posts
English Is Stupid
There is no egg in the eggplant, No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that: Quicksand takes you down slowly, Boxing rings are square, And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
...
January 2010
63 posts
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formspring.me
Boring Sunday afternoon, help me pass time and put off cleaning by asking me questions on my formspring. http://formspring.me/landondmise
WatchClass Act. I will follow you to the ends of the earth Conan.
The Portraits
There was a hunter in the woods, who, after a long day hunting, was in the middle of an immense forest. It was getting dark, and having lost his bearings, he decided to head in one direction until he was clear of the increasingly oppressive foliage. After what seemed like hours, he came across a cabin in a small clearing. Realizing how dark it had grown, he decided to see if he could stay there...
Meaningful conversations with a 4 year old.
Daughter: "Mom, why is everyone sad about Opa?"
Mother: "Because Opa died, Mija and we miss him."
Daughter: "Can we go see him?"
Mother: "No, we can't sweetie."
D: "Can we still love him?"
M: (Holding back tears) "Absolutely. We can still love him."
D: "But we can't hug him anymore?"
M: "No, but we can blow him kisses in heaven like this."
D: "But can we blow him kisses if we're wearing lipstick?"
M: "Yes, we can."
D: "Mommy. I want to put my kisses in an envelope and give them to his heart."
(Gets an envelope from the desk.)
D: "Will you hold this open while I blow my kisses into it?"
M: "Of course." (On the verge of losing it, because oh my God, so precious.)
D: (Blowing kisses into the envelope.) "*kiss* One *kiss* Two *kiss* Three *kiss* Four *kiss* Five..."
She sealed the envelope and as she did an wave of mixed emotions swept over my entire body. I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown of epic proportions. I took a deep breath in, bracing myself for The Ugly Cry when she held the envelope up.
D: "Mom"
She said
D: "can you please hold this? My butt itches and I need to scratch it."
Emotional breakdown averted.
WatchHere’s our new video, I don’t think my face is shown the whole time since because my hair was hogging the spotlight. Enjoy!
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Thrill me. I’m ready to answer your questions and fulfill your deepest desires. http://formspring.me/landondmise
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Ask me anything if you dare, I can promise brutal honesty. http://formspring.me/landondmise
WatchThese are the things that I like to do.
Bakulations.
Today I realized that Scott Bakula has the funniest name in actor history. If you're not aware of who this man is, he was the star of the tv show 'Quantum Leap' in the 80's and 90's. My friend Jon and I being the veritable powerhouse of wit that we are, had quite the text message discussion today concerning Mr. Bakula, this is an excerpt...
Landon: I say we write a vampire movie starring Scott Bakula.
Jon: Yes. Because he's most likely an actual vampire, right?
Landon: I think he might be a Dracula.
Jon: One Dracula, at least... Maybe a Dracula 2000.
L: I think the waning popularity of Scott plus the gaining popularity of vampires is a recipe for supreme mediocrity. Guest stars Obama as Barackula, and Gerard Depardieu as Nose-feratu.
J: Hahahahaha!!! It basically writes itself...
L: It really does. I'm trying to think of more celebrity vampire puns but they're not coming to me. But I just realized the name Dracula is really funny.
J: Yeah, Scott Dracula is pretty awesome!
L: New tv series starring Bakula playing the time traveler Dr. Sam Beckett who was trapped by a malfunction of his car to correct things gone wrong in the past. Quantum Jeep.
J: Haha!!! That should already be in production...
L: Orrrr the new tv series starring Bakula playing the time traveler Dr. Sam Beckett who was trapped by a malfunction of his Spanish poolboy to correct things gone wrong in the past. Quantum Phillipe.
L: Or his reality show where he has to choose a wife from 20 women. The Bakular.
J: Or the reality show where he watches over a group of 20 in a house together. Big Bakula.
L: Or the movie where he plays that famous composer. Bachula.
J: Or the one where he witnesses his doctor friend's murder and has to gun it to the future in Robert
Zemeckis' Bakula To The Future...
L: Brilliant. How about that famous line from terminator 2, 'I'll be Bakula'
J: Or the famous album by AC/DC: Back In Bakula
L: Or the new Asian martial arts film Ong Bakula.
J: Or Ang Lee's film with Scott Bakula and the late Keith Ledger: Brokebakula Mountain.
J: Or We're Bakula: A Dinosaur Story.
L: RIP Keith Fletcher. You were great in Bakulaman
J: Haha!
L: The bakulaball diaries
The End.
Watch…and further proof that nobody is cool when they’re in high school. You’ll understand when you’re older…
WatchFunniest video compilation I’ve seen in a veeeeery looooong tiiiiiime. Watch laugh and share.